dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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