if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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