at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize