make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
