hotel room ftw
wrigley field is MILF paradise
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
