I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
