he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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