So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
