and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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