Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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