1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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