It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
why is half of my head shaved?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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