Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
