Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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