Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
