She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
