Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
