Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
