So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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