Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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