What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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