tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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