i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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