whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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