The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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