there's paper in my vomit.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
