I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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