i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
