she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
