she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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