I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
