I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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