so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You may now shotgun with the bride
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
