I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
