Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
