he thought i was a dude.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this hospital has no fireball
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
