the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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