so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
