If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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