well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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