'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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