you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
40s are totally the cure
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
