Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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