i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
