You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
