so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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