There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
