nut hugger
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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