ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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