I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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