Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
