He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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