i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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