Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I could make wine with my vomit
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
