I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
