im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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