I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
