I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
