Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
