Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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