JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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