woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
