So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
