I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
