i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize