How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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