Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
