i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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