Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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