I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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