We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
