it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
