i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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