dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
