I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
