Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
