I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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