from now on my penis is your penis
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
