I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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